Grand Theft Pons

A game that does not exist, promoted like one that does Coming soon, and staying that way

01 · OverviewWhat is Grand Theft Pons

The promo page for a crime game set on Robinhood Chain. Palm trees, a sunset the colour of a liquidation, and a green low-poly cat who takes from the rich and drives off in something loud. There is no game. There is a cover, a release date that keeps moving, and a pre-order button.

Everything you would find on a real announcement page is here: the artwork mosaic, the rating plate, the platform line, the loading-screen tips. That is the joke, and it is the whole product.

Protagonist: One green low-poly cat in sunglasses, a bow in the boot, no alibi

Setting: A coastal city at golden hour, neon after dark, one long boulevard

The format: A cover that never stops rearranging itself, and a countdown that never arrives

Chain: Robinhood Chain, token through the Pons launchpad

02 · The artworkSix panels

cover panels ├── the boulevard convertible, sunglasses, one paw on the wheel ├── the roof cap on, bow drawn, sun behind him ├── the chase two units, wet asphalt, he is still ahead ├── the beach towel, coconut, nobody is looking for him today ├── the club behind the booth, one paw up, the room does not know └── the helicopter hanging out of the door over the skyline

The panels shuffle on their own and when you scroll. A cover is never printed the same way twice.

03 · ReleaseThe date

There is a countdown on the cover. It ticks down properly, second by second. Every so often it jumps forward instead and the plate says delayed. That is the most realistic feature on this site.

Announced: Yes

Dated: Repeatedly

Delayed: Also repeatedly, live, in front of you

Pre-order bonus: None. Pre-order goes to the Pons launchpad

04 · ControlsUsing the site

Scroll: The panels drift at different speeds and the title splits into pink and cyan the faster you go. Keep scrolling and panels swap out with a cut

Standing still: The cover keeps shuffling on its own, and the tips keep coming

Sound: Quiet until you tap. Your first click anywhere starts the soundtrack

The end: Past the cover, the wanted sheet: five stars, the contract, pre-order, X and this page

05 · TokenToken

The token launches on Robinhood Chain through the Pons launchpad. The contract goes onto the wanted sheet at the bottom of the cover page and here. Until then both say soon and the copy button says not yet.

Contractsoon

Pre-order on Pons

Chain: Robinhood Chain, EVM, addresses start with 0x

Launchpad: Pons, ponsfamily.com. Pre-order opens the launchpad, and the token page once the address is in

Chart: DexScreener on Robinhood Chain once the token is live

06 · PrivacyNothing is stored

No backend, no account, no cookies, nothing written to your browser. Six pictures, a timer and your scroll position.

Music: One CC0 loop from OpenGameArt, plays after your first tap

Reduced motion: If your system asks for it, the drift, the grain and the cuts stop, the countdown still runs

Affiliation: None. Not a game studio, not a publisher, not affiliated with any game series

07 · FAQQuestions

Is there a gameNo. There is a cover, a date and a pre-order. In this industry that is most of a game

When does it come outLook at the timer. Then look again in a minute

What is the P ratingRated P for Pons. We rated it ourselves

Why is the cat wantedHe took from the rich. The rich pressed charges

What happens at launchThe contract goes onto the wanted sheet, pre-order starts pointing at the token page, the release date moves again